FUCKBOOK FACEBOOK

Our Facebook page is up and running fully now, find us on the right or by going to the link below:

www.facebook.com/letsfckbook

Share photos, status updates and keep up to date with the latest duckface of the day.

Who Clicked Unfriend: Im'ma Find You, And Stab Your Cat

Last night you celebrated, had a bit of a dance. You just reached a monumental achievement on Facebook. You just ticked over to 500 friends. You cannot believe it's happening to you, so you refresh your Facebook page to check again and again. It's like winning lotto even though you've never won but if the big stiffy in your pants is anything to go by, it's just as good if not better than winning! You go to bed with a dirty pedophile grin on your face, and wake up to sheets that only say one thing.

WET DREAM!

Time to log onto Facebook after last nights big celebration. Your jaw drops, 499 friends! This cannot be happening, you were certain that it said 500 last night. Someone has removed you from their profile. Why would someone delete you? Who was it and how will you ever know? Maybe you should keep a book of names now like a little detective!

Why do people get so cut when someone 'unfriends' them? Get over it you fucking duckface! Maybe they didn't delete you, maybe they just left Facebook and unfortunately they were a friend on your Facebook wall! How do people even keep up when some have 34682 'friends' on their profile?

The mystery of who deleted you will haunt you day and night, you will not be able to cope, think, eat or sleep until you figure out who it was. Let this pointless blog be a warning to any of you who remove me from your Facebook. I will hunt you down, turkey slap you with my ballsack and stab your cat. Then take a DUCKFACE photo in your house with no pants on!

Join us on Facebook, and unfriend us for all we care.

Duckface: Quack Quack, Throw Me In A Lake & Feed Me Bread

Duckface:

A term used to descibe the face made if you push your lips together in a combination of a pout and a pucker, giving the impression you have larger cheekbones and bigger lips. Not only do you look like a complete douchebag, it just makes people think you lost a big butt plug whilst in a brisk moment of anal pleasure. It is NOT attractive, nor appealing. I would never want anyone who makes that stupid face, to go anywhere near my genital region!

Please forgive the underline, for some reason its jammed and won't go away! Please observe the collection of Duckface's!

Futuristic Sunglasses Duckface

Eyes as big as tits Duckface

Roadtrip Duckface

Fake/Real Tan Duckface

Press PLAY :D

SELFIES: I Guess Since You Have No Friends To Take Photos With

Selfies:

A picture taken of yourself that is planned to be uploaded to Facebook, Myspace or any other sort of social networking website. You can usually see the person's arm holding out the camera in which case you can clearly tell that this person does not have any friends to take pictures. They resort to Facebook to find internet friends and post pictures of themselves, taken by themselves. A selfie photo usually includes a  push up bra for maximum "tittage", a herpe filled pout, a hand gesture such as a peace sign and a dress so short we can see their wax job (or lack of). 

Since the internet is full of slappers doing selfie pictures let's analyse and review some on a regular basis. I have nothing against selfies, we have all done some type of selfie photo, but it's the ones who have album after album of selfie photos...

Well hello there! Aren't you just a naughty little girl, yes you in the Kmart pinks! You should audition for that Swedish television show where you get locked in a room for 21 years and pop out some kiddies! No, I'm not talking about Big Brother you naughty little goose, I'm talking about Father Fritzels Love Dungeon. 

It's a good excuse to make friends with the camera whilst Father Fritzel is out on the town ruining other young women's lives. Then when you escape one day you can Ebay your Selfie Portfolio and make millions, and then go buy a decent outfit.

I'm an AVATAR, I have no VA-JAY-JAY! *lelelelelelelelelelelele aroooooffff lelelelele*. I'm not sure how to spell the noises they make but she has no pubic hair or baby box! Good for her!

Send in Selfie photos to our email or FOLLOW US on Facebook --->

POKE POKE POKE: IM'MA BE YA BABIES DADDY!

Look out adultmatchmaker, rsvp, redhotpie and all you other swinger party promoting websites, the Facebook poke is here and it's here to stay! Everyones had a Facebook poke, and if you haven't maybe you should either change your profile picture or quit being as frigid as a nun. There's nothing like a Facebook poke that says "Im going to impregnate you" or "l want to see you butt naked wrapped in cannelloni". Mmmmm cannelloni.

People don't poke others for no reason, it's to get their attention and sometimes is a way to meet new people when they aren't your friends on Facebook. So when is the poke acceptable and who can use it?

Sluts

Sluts love a good Facebook poking, it's like foreplay without the batteries. Sluts use the Facebook poke as a way of saying "Im sick of masturbating, and you have a pulse so come get me". Alternatively it's just a way of saying Im desperate, easy and may have an STI.

Religious People

If your not a sinner you can use the Facebook poke to say "Hey girl, can I trouble you for some holy water" or "Damn that sermon made me wet". Wet with holy water, you sick people. Don't worry i'll pray for your lost soul!

Drug Dealers

Drug dealing has become that little bit easier and more efficient now the Facebook poke has come into play. When your dealer pokes you, you know your hit of crack cocaine is ready for your hungry little sore ridden nose. Snort, Poke, Snort, Poke. It'll be a whole thing!

Hipsters

Hipsters love a good poking. When you get poked by a hipster it usually means "come meet us at some busy intersection where we can wear cool clothes, vintage converse shoes and set up a picnic in front of traffic looking carefree while our savers scarves flap in the wind".

Occupy Melbourne Protestors

Pokes are amazing if you have no job, direction or anything better to do than waste space while others contribute to society. If you want to start a protest of any kind poke some unemployed bum who looks like they have nothing to offer the world except over the top opinions and Centerlink payment receipts used to make paper aeroplanes. 

As you can see the Facebook poke is one of the most diverse tools to use these days, no matter who you are it has a purpose! Are pokes welcomed? Or are they just annoying and plain rude. There is only one way to find out and in a weeks time I will upload my poking video. Better get that green light working in the bedroom.

Watch this space, and join us at Facebook by clicking the follow us link at the top right where you can poke anyone including a couple of slutty fans! Alternatively you can share by using the links below, or you can do none and poke yourself in the nasty!

How Worrying About What People Think of You Prevents You From Living The Life You Deserve

So this blog is very off the Facebook rant topics below however it was requested. Please do not read if you're after a laugh, this isn't a remotely funny blog. I suggest you re-read "I couldn't call you to sort out our domestic, so I told everyone on Facebook through 30 status updates"

In life we are constantly bombarded with opinions, judgements and perceptions which can cloud the way we make decisions and alter the way we live our lives. Social media has also fed this problem through magnifying anxiety in peoples lives as others achievements and thoughts are displayed; creating the fear of missing out on something. Have you ever been in a situation where you had a goal to achieve but have let what others think of you hold you back, or take a different road? We all have at one point in our lives. The fact is no matter how big or small the task ahead is, we have all fell short at some stage due to being afraid of what others may think of us.

It's normal to care about what others think about you, it's all a part of learning and creating a life that you want to live. However, when you spend more time and energy focusing on what others think about you as opposed to focusing on the goals you have set for yourself, then there is a problem.

In my short life, I have experienced a lot for such an age which has dramatically altered the way I live my life, but for the better. I have always been very determined, focused and placed great importance on factors that enhance my life as opposed to those of which create mediocrity. In saying this, it doesn't mean that I haven't worried about what others think about me but I have made decisions in life that put me in the best position for me. 


We all make choices that directly impact on the eventual outcomes in our lives, and through these choices we forgo an opportunity to learn. Life isn't easy, it's not about making easy decisions, and it's through these decisions our character is questioned.

Have you ever thought about your life, where you are at, what you are aiming for, and what your purpose is? Are you happy? If not, do you know why? Many of us never stop to reflect on why our lives are the way they are, and more importantly do not create the changes necessary to improve the quality of our living situation. It's much more comfortable in life to take the easy road rather than making decisions that although are tough, have the potential to create true happiness in your life.


Only you can make things happen in your life. The more time you spend focusing on what others think of you, the less time you have to succeed in your own life. The best thing about life is you can always start fresh, and you can always create what you want in your life. Below are some vital tips on how to stop letting what others think impact the way you live your life:

• Its important in life to know what is most important to you. By knowing what is important to you, you spend more time and energy focusing on that. Stop surrounding yourself with people, places and situations that make you question yourself because the reality is these people, places and situations have uncertainty in common.

• Surround yourself with people who inspire you, who have characteristics that you hold or aim to possess. This will add value to your life and keep you focused on what’s important to you. 

• Don't display your problems all over Facebook. When you give people too much power they use it against you. This in turn fuels the insecurity you hold and gives others the opportunity to slow you down from achieving your goals.

• It's not always about you. It is so easy to breed insecurity by worrying about insignificant opinions and perceptions others "may" hold. Stop being paranoid, not everything is about you! Focus on what you have by highlighting your strengths and accepting/addressing your weaknesses through self-development.

• Make decisions in your life that are right and you cannot go wrong. Sometimes the right decision isn't always the most popular ones amongst others but be strong and confident in that you are making those decisions to improve the way you live your life. It is also important to be mindful of the decisions you make and that they don't negatively impact on those you care for, and if they do your decisions could be selfish and not necessarily the right one.

• Understand we all are entitled to an opinion; therefore it is just that, an opinion. It cannot physically hurt you so don't worry so much. When people freely air their opinions it says more about them then it does about you.

• You cannot control what people say, do, think and feel so control what you can in your life and leave the worrying to others. What people think or say about you is not your business, and if your not surrounding yourself with them then you have nothing to be concerned about. Stop worrying about what others are doing, it's not your life to worry about.

• Don't let what people say stop you from forming your own opinion about something or someone. People have ulterior motives, and there are always two sides to a story. Some of my closest mates have been people who other friends have not regarded highly in a positive light which ended up being far from the truth. If someone is not willing to give you a chance, don't waste your time worrying. Quit wasting your energy trying to convince them that you’re a good person.

To finish off, life is a tough road and we can make it easy or complicated. Understand when your focus is wasted on things that take away positive energy from your life and leave it behind. Life isn't like high school, some people are stuck/lost because they haven't accepted many of life's truths. Some are still focusing on things that don't really build character and present opportunities, but that's their life and lesson to learn. When you stop caring about what others 'may' think, you will experience life with a completely different mindset. It is in this time you will see success in your life, and be at peace with yourself.

Check-In, Check-In, Check-In: Yeah Okay We Get It, You Do Shit

Checking in to blogspot.com after a few days away.

We all understand this feature of Facebook, and when it first came out it was pretty cool. However, some people really use this aspect of Facebook way too much. It's great that we can communicate with everyone on Facebook as to what we are doing, but is it really necessary? Who wants everyone knowing their every move? I certainly don't, and why wouldn't you just status update if you had to?

What really bugs me about checking in is not the ability to do so, but the retard on the other end checking in. Some places people check in and the things they do when they check in just scream "I'm a floppy thrush cock".

Why do people check into their own homes? I mean seriously, what is the point? We all end up home at the end of the day, is it necessary to give away the location of your house? What's worse is people who do it regularly, it's just plain stupid. How is checking into your own home an event or something worth everyone knowing? It's like people who update their status saying something like "eating a sandwich", you just look like a fucking cum bubble. Also your clearly selfish checking into your own home when others have no home to check in to. 

Another one that is as pointless as checking in at your own home is checking in at the gym. Yeah that's great your at the gym and instead of working out you're on your mobile on Facebook checking in and probably on a treadmill walking on speed 4 and incline 0 burning 6 calories an hour. I have a tip for you. Don't take your phone into the gym unless its connected to your arm and playing music. I believe checking in at gyms is contributing to the obesity epidemic in Australia. Together we can fight this disease.

Oh look at you, checking in at a party or an event. That's cute. We all get it, you have friends and you're doing shit. Good for you! We all do shit and go out but we don't feel the need to tell everyone what we are doing because we are having too much fun actually enjoying the night. What's worse is when people check in with 48 people, honestly you don't have 48 friends. You have 4 and thats ok!

I remember when someone asked me on Facebook chat, "do you go out ever cause you rarely check in" to which I replied "Yes, but I don't check in because I don't want creeps like you knowing where I am and I feel no need to validate myself by impressing people with who I hang out with and where I hang out". We haven't spoke since, I might check that person into my next social event and fuck with their head.

Lastly, there is no need to go out at night and check into every location you walk past on a night out. Quit showing off. If I were to check into my night last weekend it would look like this.

- My House

- On my toilet in my house

- Cooking dinner at my friends house with 5 other people

- On my friends toilet and my friends house, he has a house its exciting

- In a taxi heading into the city

- Buying chewing gum at 7 eleven

- Pissing on a wall in an alley way in china town

- At Cookie in a booth

- Walking up to level 4 and individually checking in up until level 11 rooftop bar

- Talking to randoms at roof top bar

- On the toilet at rooftop bar

- Back to friends house, pissed on the lawn and went home

After all these check in's not only would you realise I did things with people, but you would think I had a weak bladder, a complete disregard for urinating in public/indecent exposure and that my high protein diet created a large inconvenience in my life. Check in if you must, but make it good!

I will be creating a check in video to upload in the coming week or two once I find a friend willing to film me in embarrassing situations.


JOIN US ON FACEBOOK, THE LINK IS TO THE RIGHT :D

More Updates From The Drama Queen

Last week the blog below was released:

I COULDN'T CALL YOU AND SORT OUT OUR DOMESTIC, SO I SHARED IT WITH EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK THROUGH 30 STATUS UPDATES!

This has been the most viewed blog so far, but people have emailed wanting more updates from the girl who's status updates inspired this blog. So of course I tried my best to get some more updates, and I was not let down. How can so much drama occur in a few short days? This left me with lots of content.

The above status update tells me this lovely young lady has been stalking her ex-boyfriend. Word has got around and now she is trying to turn the tables, no one wants to look like a stalker. Even worse, a stalker with no relationship status.

The above status tells me she is having a bit of drama with her friends.

Pot? Kettle? Black? Who knows....

Getting as far away as possible from you. Who would want to deal with your crap? Snap out of it you mouldy cock.

Another Relationship Drama For Poor Old Lily

Poor Lily, the world is against you. Everyone say awwwww poor Lily. Pfffft.

My Valentines Day Sucks: So I'll Ruin Yours!

Every year people get on Facebook to declare how much Valentines Day sucks the big fat camel cock. Just because no one wants to spend the day with you, doesn't give you the right to ruin everyone else's day. What you do when you complain about it on Facebook is tell everyone you're not a catch, and you tell potential partners your a big whinging fuck. This status update sums it up!

Please appreciate my piss poor editing skills. Appreciate the smeared shit look.