Real Estate Agencies: Full Of Real Fuckheads!

Before reading this, everything here is just humour so take a joke. It is only directed at my real estate property manager. I only kid about some of the statements made just for a laugh so don't take offence.

We either love them or completely despise them, however it all comes down to which department of real estate one works for. Like all industries, the real estate industry consists of the good and the bad, the honest and untruthful, the reasonable and the sleaze bag trying to scam an extra $10,000 out of your pocket. The major difference that separates the stars from the festering pile of underachievers, is those who  deal with the sale or those who deal with.... RENTALS! 

Hand me some hand sanitiser now!

Renting can cause major headaches, as the people you deal with in this department are usually so incompetent you wouldn't be surprised if they thought that putting a knife in a switched on toaster equalled 5. 

I have been renting my apartment for 2.5 years now and I must say overall I haven't had many issues with my property manager (Mary). However, today Mary was suppose to be inspecting my house at 9am to see that it has in fact remained clean and no maintenance needs to be carried out. The first thing one does prior to an inspection is usually say 'fuck' out loud in their head, then start making a plan of attack to ensure you leave Mary with a great impression.

Do I remove those egg white stains on the carpet first, or do I tend to the courtyard I despise so much and have never used as it allows neighbours to see everything I'm doing? Maybe I should pull the couch over a bit to cover that egg white stain until I it is cleaned next week? I should also cover the door leading to the courtyard with aluminium foil so Mary, who was not 'clever' enough to work in real estate sales, thinks its a feature wall! 

Excellent....

The house is looking spotless like always, which is more than I can say for my mobile office and canteen of a car. Though if any of my friends want a ride the car is also spotless, I don't even need to say 'don't put your feet on that contract' or 'that's ok you can sit on that it's only a yoghurt stain'. If only mother could see, she would be impressed and give it her italian standards review! I also made sure I would be home this time as I noticed Mary had opened my cupboard during the last inspection, boasting a collection of porn and lubricant. Thus leaving me very dissatisfied.

So here I am, sitting around awaiting the arrival of Mary, Queen of property management underachievers. I made sure I got up early on my 'sort of day off', just to re-sweep the courtyard after Melbourne's little storm yesterday. The clock strikes nine and no sign of Mary. That's ok I will just check my email as I have a phone conference at 10:30am. First email at the top of the list is from Mary, sent at 4:34am this morning.

Hi ____________

I am unable to attend the routine inspection we had scheduled for 9:15am tomorrow. Please advise me of an alternative time for next week on either Monday or Tuesday that suits you.

Kind regards,

Mary 

Ok so not the end of the world, but sent at 4:34am? Were you out on a crack bender or were you out there admiring the FOR SALE signs in the local neighbourhood, hoping one day you could make that career defining/changing move into real estate sales? We just spoke yesterday and you confirmed it was no problem! 

Why are property managers so tardy? Is it because they realise their job is not going to provide them with a nice ladder to that next promotion or is it because they just hate their life? 

Share your experiences with useless real estate agents on our Fuckbook Facebook page, or share the link to get the message out that property managers are the thrush of the real estate world!

www.facebook.com/letsfckbook